Thursday, April 30, 2009

Chucky on Music

Concert Review by Chucky Berry.

Saturday night I went to see "Eclipser" aka "The Bear Riders" in their debut concert performance downstairs in the basement. First let me tell ya, there were ladies, there was a keg, I think there was a professional wrestler, there was definitely a couple ex-cons/prison escapees,  and when you put all that together and mix it with loud guitar and drums you get R&R, and I'm not talking about "rest and relaxation",

I'm talking about Rock & Roll.

Oh yeah there was also a Ronald McDonald lookalike (one of BF the Clown's friends) handing out cheeseburgers that, according to Tim Bucket, were spiked with meth-amphetamine. 

The crowd was getting restless, bordering on cabin fever, bordering on regular fever, bordering on malaria, when all of a sudden the lights went out. A low buzzing drone could be heard from the speaker on stage. A squeak could be heard from the drummers stool. Someone farted and BOOM the room went bright with a simultaneous crash of electric rhythm and blues. Exhilerating! I looked over to Dorothea and mouthed "these guys rock!" except it wasn't my ex wife at all but the Ronald McDonald lookalike. I think he thought I said, "another cheeseburger, pal!" because he put one in my mouth. 
The next thing I remember was writing this.
All in all I'd say it was a great show. The crowd was ecstatic, the music was like a bolt of lighting and Drunk Dan and company were on fire. Literally.  Which brings me to my conclusion:
Always keep 151 proof alcohol a good safe distance from a drumming clown who likes to set his sticks on fire and juggle them between songs. 
Get well fellas,

Chuckily Yours,

Chuck B

Eclipser aka The Bear Riders will be playing at Molly Shenanigans Irish Pub in Cleveland OH, June 9th, @8pm. 

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Keep on rockin in the free world.

I'm Drunk Dan and I'm Chucky Berry's neighbor. Except I live in his living room because my apartment got set on fire and immediately flooded in a freak arson/flood disaster. I woke up with a burnt shark on my lazyboy lookin like some kind of barbequed aquamarine couch potato reclining motherfucker watching the price is right. Hell, I lost everything. Except for my gratitude. I'm grateful to god for sending a guardian angel named Chucky Berry. Plus me and his live-in ex get it on (no secret there) so hey I can't complain. More beer would be nice though.  But get this:
The one thing that remained unharmed in my pad was my most prized posession, my Michael Anthony edition Jack Daniels bass guitar. Me and Buttfro the clown started a band in the basement called Eclipser. Either that or the Bear Riders. WE FUCKIN ROCK.
So what else can I tell ya? Life ain't so bad when you got little to lose and everything to gain. 
This is Drunk Dan signing off and saying, keep on rockin in the free world!

I'll drink to that,

Monday, April 20, 2009

Chucky's Back...

Chucky Berry here! Back from my volunteer border patrol service. It was a HOOT! We made s'mores, ate franks and beans, and I spotted a mexican delivery man trying to make a run for it. He got away which was disappointing, but I made some great friends down there with the rest of my unit, the "American Dream Catchers". Great folks.  

Anyway, I'd like to address a couple issues on the blog. Looks like things have gotten pretty stupid around here in my absence. For one, Tim, you need to stop doing whatever it is you do. Dorothea, I sincerely apologize for his comments and for the record I do not think our kid's poems STINK. And as for the porno spam robot lady, I don't know who "Larry" is, but thanks for contributing to Chucky Berry Blog.  Your erotic story(?) was very sexy.  A confessional, brave, lyrical modern masterpiece. That's the review I read for a movie once and I have no qualms applying it to your thing.

Berrily Yours!

Chucky Berry

Sunday, April 19, 2009

raw cuntz 4 u 2 Njoy. SHE WANTS U, LARRY.

Hey guys Im just a single gal l00kn 4 a date 2 night must be 18 do U like hot ASS CUM????
me and my COLLAGE friendz want U 4 R sexxy slutz shes not wearing any underwear. this blog is so kewl it makes me HORNY and WET on his tits. Watch my videocam at

Friday, April 17, 2009

Let's Be Reasonable Here. By Tim Bucket.

I don't know how Chucky's ex-wife got on the blog but I'm sure I can speak for everyone by saying, "No one here gives a flying shit about your kids, their dumb poems, your aspirations,  or any other non-paranormal activities you waste your time on." Sorry Dorothea I know that sounds harsh, but while Chuck is gone, I am king goblin of Chucky Berry Blog.

Reasons why he made ME and not YOU second in command:

1. I directed a highly acclaimed straight-to-youtube documentary, Ghost Yard Bloopers (2006).  Have you ever caught a ghost on film? yeah maybe. But have you ever shot one getting hit in the groin by a wayward fireball? Sure you have. Sure. (I doubt it.)
2. I trapped a werewolf once using nothing but a plastic grilled cheese toy and a high powered laser alarm system. It was a three quarters moon that night so he was not fully transmutated.  But ah! His beard was brown and thick like a wolf's. And his voice low and gruff like the wolf's. And his wind breaker was tucked into his pants like a wolf's tail between its legs. Just like the wolf's. I assure you this man was a werewolf.
3. Chuck and me are first cousins and you and chuck are second cousins. As we use to say back on the farm, "first is the best, second is the worst, third is the worst!"

Your kid's poems STINK. Chucky agrees, he's just too pussy whooped to admit it.
Sorry Chuck,
Tim Bucket

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Proud Mom.

Can I say something? This is Chucky Berry's ex-wife, mother of his three children, and current roommate, Dorothea. First I'd like to thank Tim Bucket for that very useful entry on the paranormal. Second, I'd like to share a poem our son, Charles Jr. wrote last week. 

Chicken Nuggets, by Charles Berry Jr. age 8

"Chicken Nuggets are more awesome than burgers because they are golden
and burgers are worse than chicken nuggets because they have pickles sometimes.
Happy meals have it all so you don't have to make a decision.
I love chicken nuggets!"

If any of you know anyone in the publishing industry or writers guild please contact us. We need to nurture Charles Jr.'s incredible gift. And it looks like our younger daughter might be following in his footsteps, so lookout for Josie!
Her poem...

Bugs, by Josie Berry age 6

"Bugs bugs bugs. All I eat is bugs. I love them. I threw my toys in the garbage!"

Dr. Phil appeared to me in a dream last night and whispered: "Publicize."

Thank you Dr. Phill and God Bless you all,

- Dorothea Gray

How about something intellegent around here? Part 2.

Thanks Chuck, for that BOGUS intro. This here is Tim Bucket and while Chuck is out of town I'm going to lay down a few blog rules:

1. If you encounter a ghost in a graveyard please respect his home and do not try to kill him/her/it. Keep in mind that the average spectored one on American soil is a 6,000 year old Native American with an axe to grind and a bone to pick.

2. When using a graveyard public bathroom, Porta-John, or outhouse, watch out for spiders. Most are completely harmless but some are evil and they work for goblins. A little story: I don't wear underwear. I absolutely refuse to. But one time after using the graveyard's facilities I noticed a soft cloth-like sensation in my buttocks/dicks/balls region. The spiders had spun a silk thong on me. That was their little way of saying, "We're smarter than you. So watch out."

3. Children entering the graveyard after sundown must be accompanied by a responsible adult over the age of 13.

4. Finally, bad news for Butt Fro! NO CLOWNS IN THE CEMETERY.

In conclusion, be smart, be respectful, and watch out. This is Tim Bucket saying,

- Tim G.W. Bucket

Monday, April 13, 2009

Ear to the street

Chucky Berry here. Butt Fro the Clown wanted me to give a SHOUT OUT to "Alfredo the Bodega Guy" so I thought I'd do him one better. I rang up the bodega and this is what Alfredo had to say for himself...
"My name's is Julio C. I don't know no Alfredo. He da mang with da lady and da hats? I know him yeah. Hold on...Hola? Hello? This Alfredo. Butt Fro?"

No friend, it's not Butt Fro. This is Chucky Berry. Do you want to contribute to Chucky Berry Blog?

"Que? Butt Fro, I got a hat for you, Butt Fro. Es Detroit Lions hat. You like it."

This is not Butt Fro the Clown. This is CHUCKY BERRY, sir. What is your shout out? WHAT IS YOUR SHOUT OUT?


Well there ya' have it folks. All this fella wanted to say was "shit." I suppose he's got a girl pal or something who goes by that name. Strange feller.

Chuckily Yours,
Chucky Berry.

P.S. I'll be on volunteer border patrol duty for a couple days so my cousin Tim Bucket will hold down the fort here for the next couple moons. Don't let him scare ya! He's more of an idiot than you think.

Chucky Berry on Art

Chucky Berry here! I went to the art museum yesterday and I want to talk to you folks a little about my experience there. It all started with a cupcake in the morning (left over from Butt Fro the Clown's birthday two weeks ago) and a tall glass of sunflower seed juice. As usual I was reading the paper at breakfast when I saw an article on an exhibit at the art museum. It said, "Post Modern Nihilism is Retro: An Installation By Susan Goldstein" Now I'm not usually one for modern art, but under the title there was a picture of a dog dressed up like Santa Clause riding a skateboard. Now I had to see THIS in person. When I got to the museum there was a big line to get in so I turned around and went back home.  Overall a great day in the life of Chucky Berry.
All the best!
Chucky Berry
P.S. the real reason I went home early was because sunflower seed juice makes me sick with dieareah. Without fail. Every time.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

how about something intellegent around here?

I'm Tim Bucket, Chucky Berry's cousin. Chuck had to go to the library or hospital or some shit so I'm here today to tell you three goddamn things.
1.  Ain't no such thing as ghouls goblins ghosts or any other supernatural being...
2. EXCEPT ghouls.  Ghouls do exist. I saw one in a cemetery once talking to a green goblin by fire light.  They saw me so I hid in a pile of horse shit.  Did I mention I have the ability to shrink into a little worm? More on that later.
3. Ghosts are completely harmless. In fact, they are more afraid of you than you are of them. WRONG.  Ghosts can be extremely dangerous so beware and TAKE PRECAUTION WHEN POLTERGEISTING AND WEAR YOUR TINTED LENSES! 
Beware of the spectored ones. 
- Tim Bucket

Detroit, Waddup!?!

Butt Fro the Clown here! Just want to thank Chucky for inviting me to write. American cheese is my favorite food!!!... my favorite tv show is ANYTHING. Chucky is my best friend... best time by FAR is 3:00 pm cos' that's when the kids get out of school! PEACE.
P.S. I want to give a shoutout to the East Side Lil' Gangstaz, T-Boner B Pony Boy, Alfredo the bodega guy, and Detroit, Waddup!?!


Chucky Berry here! Just want to thank you all for stopping by! This blog isnt just for me. It's for me and all my friends. I'll make some entries and so will they. I'm the first! Here goes nothing...
I was in the bathroom this morning doing number two in the toilet when all of a sudden a clown walked in. He was laughing and eating a big whipped cream pie. I say, "what's the big idea!?" he replied, "Oh don't mind me! I'm hiding from my friends" he pointed to his pie and said, "They want what I've got!"
That clown was a fucking idiot!