Attention all students:
Classes are canceled today due to the snow storm. The storm left 12 feet of snow on top of my head. I am the dean, in case you were wondering. I write this to you now via blackberry, from inside an igloo like cavity beneath the snow mountain by the gym. Accompanying me is a little snow fox named Camus. At least that's what he responds to.
I am afraid I won't make it past lunch time if I don't receive some form of nourishment in the next hour. This is important: The student council is to report immediately to the science lab (non- Asians are exempt). You are to purchase approximately 200 bags of Peanut M&Ms from the vending machine in the hallway. Now go to where the lab mice are and secure The Peanut M&Ms to their backs. Equip each mouse with a little vest made from Hand Warmers. Release them atop the mountain! I'll send out a mouse bating tone on my black berry; frequency set to "Cheese".
Now, while the soldier mice bury their way to me, you are to construct a little flame thrower to be given to the King Mouse. I believe this can be done using a cigarette lighter and a Silly Band bracelet. If you need help call Professor Vinadaloo at his home number (555)- 555-5555. Tell him I've done it again.
- The Dean