Monday, July 26, 2010

Chucky Berry on Philosophy, Faith, and the Meaning of Success

When a fish needs to use the bathroom does he say, "Excuse me, I need to take a shit right here in the ocean"? Of course not. He just goes. And that's why I do what I do.

I believe it was Nike, the Greek Goddess of fertility (not the sneaker!) who said, "Just do it."

People need to get out of their little cubicles, step out the office, put down their Smart Phones, and embrace the Sun god of Ancient Egypt, Ra. Now kneel and place your palms on the ground. Repeat the following:

"Ra, oh supreme being of the world. I worship thee and would gladly offer my organs in sacrifice. To be scorned blind by your rays would certainly make my day. All that is beautiful in this world is so because of your graciousness and talent for shining a big light on everything. Please except this $20 as a token of my absolute faith and servitude. Love, Pat J. Smith (or whatever your name is)"

Leave the money on the ground. Don't pick it up. Just walk away.

Just do it.

-Chucky Berry

Sunday, July 18, 2010


My fucking head is pure jello. Instead of skin, I have pudding skin. Instead of eyes I have two Jawbreakers and instead of teeth I have candy corn teeth.

Metaphorically speaking of course.

So, when can I meet you?