Friday, June 22, 2012

Taco Hell's New Million Man

I just jazzercised in my pants. And here's why:

Taco Hell is announcing their new TV mascot and his name is Big Bad Don Cheetol the Cheese Luvin' Million Man.

He stinks. He eats garbage out 'a hat. He skateboards to and fro the dojo where he regularly karate chops the fattest of kung fools.

"He got a sock on one foot and a turtle on the other." - Ron Goof

He once dove head-first into a sewer... And came out wearing an alligator skin jacket. (and holding a rat in his mouth.) (and he was covered in raw sewage.) (with a big piece of shit on his head.) (and then a seagull flew by and took a shit on him)

The seagull winked. (then he flew into a wall and died.)

He once made a citizens arrest on the entire NYPD for what they did to Serpico.

He speaks seven languages including Chinese (mandarin), English (muffin), Spanish (fly), French (bread), Dutch (oven), German (shepherd),  and conversational Italian (bread)

He can make a baboon's ass blush.

So now that you know a little about our friend Don, why don't you take a moment to enjoy a nice tall glass of warm milk and stewed prunes, ya' lousy Freddie!

Ya' no good lousy Freddie.

A Word from Jarvis Frankenfooter

Good morning, America! My name is Jarvis Frankenfooter and I want to talk to you about a new exciting product called The Edible Condom. It's not what you think. (yes it is.)

But don't take MY word for it. Just listen to these satisfied customers:

"I ate the edible condom after." - Jason Raughly, Fresno CA

"I'm eating one right now." - George Willborough Sr., Miami FL

"Tastes like dick." - Jennifer Delgado, Patterson NJ

"Uhhh...Huh?" - Ron Goof, Dallas TX

Act now while supplies last! But wait, if you call within the next two seconds I will personally answer the phone with the receiver up my butt. Don't speak fart-talk? No problemo. Hablamos Espanoliola.

Be the envy of all your friends! Impress your extended family! 

But wait! Call within the next two seconds and receive an additional 64 edible condoms, one monkey, a medium sized bag of white chedder popcorn, a pair of 3D glasses, one blue glove, a pre-owned bart simpson doll,  and literally hundreds of blank CDs with partially written data and/or music on them.

Act now while suprise lasts.