Sunday, March 28, 2010

What a Crazy Cat! By Chucky Berry

I heard a bird chirping outside my window this morning. He was brilliant! His song sounded like the graduation song. I peered out the window, trying not to make any calamitous noise, so I could study this fine fellow. There he was perched on the wooden fence outside my window. I know it sounds a bit anthropomorphic but he looked at me with an ancient curiosity, something that has surely existed between Us and Them since the dawn of mamalia as we know it. We stared at each other, he and I, for a long while. Then he winked and farted at the same time. It would have been funny, except he failed to anticipate the following: 3 seconds after he farted, he took an explosive shit. Most of it got on Figaro, the neighbor's cat. Figaro, eyes covered in a swirl of white and green bird shit stood up on his two back legs and pawed at the air as if fighting some ferocious enemy. "Why!?"He cried out. The bird flapped his wings and was gone. The cat, momentarily blinded, walked straight into a steaming pile of horse shit. Realizing the absurdity of the situation, Figaro slunked down where he stood and uttered the following: "If there is a God, I am His humble servant. For He and He only knowith the strange and often cruel orders the world doth bestowe upon us all."
"Fuck you!" I yelled out. It was sure as hell funny at the time, but looking back on it, I should have helped a friend when he was down. After all, Figaro has been there for me in the past. I fell asleep for a week one time and he took my children to school.

Chucky Berry

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Chucky Berry on Relationships

Are we alone in the world? No! We have each other. Are we destined for greatness? It depends on your definition of "Greatness". I'm pretty sure I heard "Grapeness" so sure, have all the grapes you want.

my wife walks into a bar and says, "bartenda! Give me a glass of grape juice." "But lady, all we got is wines and spirits" says the bartender. So she goes, "Okay, give me a glass of red wine, and a shot of whiskey on the rocks." "coming right up m'am" he says. The bartender, befuddled, asks "how do you go from grape juice to wine and whiskey?" so she replies, "Easy. The grape juice spilled down my goddamn face and now I'm drinking whatever else you got. Now hit me with a double shot of jack, ya jackass!"


-Chucky Berry

Monday, March 15, 2010

Hello I am Rex

Thank you, Carlton, for that piece of shit blog post. Now for WHAT I GOT TO SAY...

Have you ever been waiting for the bus when all of a sudden you see a mouse roll down the street in a roller blade? Of course not. Because this is no kids movie. This is real life. So then why did I see it??

- Little Rex

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Cheston on Cheston

Hi I'm Cheston. you probably know me from the hit television show, Particles, the sci-fi teen drama about typical high school kids living in a martian space colony. It's not easy being a famous teen heart throb and I'll tell you why...Oh hold on a sec I just got a sext on my Pink Berry...
...OK now where was I? Oh yeah so then I was like, "Dude, back up, she's with me."

Catch Particles every week on NBC-Span at 8. This week's special musical guest: Cheston