Monday, September 13, 2010

For Adults Only...

60 sexy secrets to spice up your love life, by contributing editor, Chucky Berry

1. Here's a sexy secret for the bedroom: Suck on a lemon till your lips pucker into a little vagina shape. Now go to the mirror. Put a candle on your head and light it. Now slowly spin around three times until your underwear falls down. You made sure to remove the elastic band before all of this right?

2. Sit on your lover's hand and no matter what they do, just close your eyes and smile and say "I'm not listening."

3. Role play can be super exciting. Pretend you and your lover are computer hackers trying to penetrate a big secret website. Go to your computer and start typing random letters. Make sure to wear some kind of hands-free cell phone device or a pair of 3D glasses. Now orgasm thrice.

4. Have sex in weird positions. You'll find that what you once thought was weird will begin to seem normal, and what you once thought was normal will now seem weird. There's a simple way to remember this formula: "Soggy before doggy, loggy before froggy"

5. Some people are way turned on by mystery. Wrap your lover's head in a sheet and have them guess where in the room you are while you run around the house jerking off. Or,
Hide under the bed when your partner uses the bathroom. They will have no idea what happened to you. If they still haven't found you after a couple of days, crawl out from under the bed all dirty and dusty and say "I'm right here, baby" as you orgasm. If the police are there at that point then you've probably waited too long.

6. A little rough play can really get things hot. Grease your body up with a little body oil. Go to the edge of the bed and tell your lover, "In this corner, from parts unknown, weighing in at 215 pounds..." Now body slam your opponent!

7. Throw sprinkles all around the bed and fuck cupcake style: frosting on top.

8. Now, we can do this the hard way... Or we can do this the soft way...

- Chucky Fuckin' Berry