How about this

Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck! Run amok with Chuck!

- Chucky Berry

$50

Chucky berry here! I'd like to talk to you today about a little thing I like to call Fubble Bubble. It's a cross between a donkey dick and a stereo. It exists in all ten dimensions. It's 100% recycling proof. Now I'll take that for a bar of soap! No but seriously, folks, It's glad to be here and dinner's on it's way. But what's for dessert you may ask yourself? did yourself answer? No, of course not. But think about this: What if you were riding in a one horse open slay on a fluffy white cloud of cool whip atop a velvet periwinkle sky when all of a sudden Frankenfooter comes out of his cave with a an axe fashioned from the molten depths of Hell. Would you

1. Pretend you're too sleepy to understand what's going on?

2. Blame it on Tyrone?

3. Convert to your bizzaro religion?

4. Stand straight, chin up, shoulders back, taint clenched, beard dyed purple/green/yellow, AT EASE SOLDIER. NOW GIVE ME 50!

5. Would you give your drill sarge $50 if he asked it of you in such a manner?

I know what you're thinking. You don't have $50.

You better call Tyrone,

- Chucky "Cheesley P. Bunson" Berry

MOVIE REVIEW

I was going to write a movie review today for Haneke's The White Ribbon, a fantastic psychological portrait of the Nazi generation as children before the first world war, growing up in the most uber gothic place known to menchen, Germany. I was going to write that review and it was going to be both informative and introspective.

BUT...

Instead I'd like to take this time to talk to you about a new exciting product called "CHUMBLY WUMBLY'S CHOCO-ELIXER". It comes from the Andes Mountains of Southern Quebec and it goes down smooth like wet bread! When you're feeling bad it makes your mouth smile, and when your feeling sad it makes your eyes cross. It will turn your boring ol' brown hair bright blond and your bleached out beehive into a shimmery shiny Saint Patric's day-quality green novelty wig. Just in time for Saint Paddy's day! But lookout, Grandma! Here's something the whole family can enjoy: Every bottle of CHUMBLY WUMBLY'S CHOCO-ELIXER comes with a FREE scratch n' sniff mystery patch made from 100% synthetic pig butt skin. But wait! Act NOW and you'll receive a coupon for one personal pie at Dominose Pizza. Dominose Pizza! (Just imagine the steaming Pizza Cheese* and that chunky red tomato dressing!)

Supplies are going fast so ACT NOW! Be a part of the American dream and order your very own patriot's portion of CHUMBLY WUMBLY'S CHOCO-ELIXER (100 40 oz bottles) for the very special low ball price of

1 chicken nugget!

- Chucky Berry

A Porpoise and a Raisin

Well today started out as CRAZY as ever! I woke up this morning at 5 am to the sound of a bird chirping. Being hungover and half asleep I figured it was probably just a small winged dinosaur nibbling away at the leftover fried rice at the foot of my bed. I was wrong. No wait, I was right. Realizing the potential danger of the situation, my fight or flight instincts kicked in. I shouted, "This is the police! La POLICIA! Hands up!". He instantly froze and stared at me. "hands up I say!" I yelled again pointing my clasped gun like hands at the intruder. He stared at me blankly then proceeded to very slowly bring another spoonful of delicious Chinese food to his mouth. As If wouldn't notice. "wise guy, huh?" I asked rhetorically. He then opened his mouth I shit you not and uttered the following:
"Yes. Yes I am a wise guy. But for is it not the wise guy who gets the rice? I believe Franklin said that. I believe he also said that we're all here for a porpouse and everything happens for a raisin. Haha, that was a bit of a joke you see. The real saying goes..."
I didn't want to hear any more of this damn varment's bullshit. I wanted answers and I wanted them quick.
"OK wise guy! Cut the crap. I want some real advice and I want it now, wise guy. Tell me your wisest piece of wisdom!", I demanded. He looked a little unnerved. He gulped and loosened his tie a bit (did I mention what he was wearing? A tuxedo). "Yes very good." He replied squinting his eyes as if reading from a book inside his insane brain. Slowly, he began, "The most wise thing I can tell you is" In a low gravely whisper, he continued, "...is...is...is!" his whisper exponentially grew into a shout, "IS!!" I go so excited at the prospect of learning such a golden nugget of top secret information I jumped up wide eyed and smiling, "yes?? Yes?? What is it??!"
At this point the little dinosaur was like a boiling pot of spaghetti about to overflow because you didn't stir him enough or add salt, I guess. He got on his tippy toes and pointed a finger in the air in proud declaration. "IS!!"
"IS??!" I asked/yelled, "IS??" He pulled the switcharoo. I couldn't take the suspense any more! I Ran over to him and pulled his head off and threw it out the window, screaming like a wild caveman. "AHHHHHGHH! JUST FUCKING TELL ME!!!"
I'll guess I'll never know what he was going to tell me that fateful night. Maybe I missed out on the single most enlightening piece of wisdom of my life. Maybe I didn't. Maybe he was just fooling me. Takin' me for a ride. Pulling my leg. Pulling the shirt over my head. Yanking my chain. Giving me one heck of a snow job. Maybe he was just stalling, biding time in the hopes that I'd excuse myself to use the bathroom at some point and then he'd run out of the house, make a dash for it, probably swiping a bag of my Chips A'Hoy along with him.
Ah, keep it little feller. I got a whole years worth.

- Chucky Berry

5 Reasons Why I Will Never Go Back to School, By Buddy Pie

Top ten reasons why I will never to go back to school...

1. I was kicked off the basketball team in the middle of a game for throwing the ball at myself because my friend's dog thought it was funny. I'm pretty sure he was there and that he thought it was funny.

2. I can't take tests. I fell asleep during the SAT's and when the proctor woke me up, in a half sleep, I yelled out, "Mommy! Where's my Mighty Morphins!?". When I realized what I had just said I tried to cover up the embarrassing outburst by subtly changing it to something cooler, "Tommy! Where's my mighty muffins? It's lunch time, bro!" Turns out the proctor's name wasn't Tommy. It was Richard.

3. My girlfriend in college dumped me for our astronomy professor. One day in class I raised my hand. He said, "Yes, question?" and I said, "Yes. A question, my good man. I challenge you to a duel after class..." Everyone laughed like it was a joke. Everyone EXCEPT my ex. And THAT was exactly what I was going for. "do you have a question?", the professor asked me again, to which I replied, "Yes...yes I do." And left it at that.

4. In junior high I was bullied by a classmate, Mike Romero. He farted in my backpack and punched me in the face.

5. I hate the smell of school. It's a mixture of custodial cleaning fluid, chalk dust, and garlic which I wear around my neck in case one of the goth kids tries to make me into a vampire. I know they're not actually vampires but they play along.

and that is why I will never go back to school.

- Buddy

Witchardry, by Gary the Wizard

Greetings. I am Gary the Wizard. Tim Bucket invited me here to share with you all some powerful insights into the Majick of Witchardry & Pagan Gospels, my new book. This book will change your life. I know it has for me. I wrote it in my own blood. All of it!

Here is an excerpt from Chapter One,

"Witchardry is both art and craft. For instance, the mantra I use every winter solstice in order to conjure the spirit of Dwyble, the Homo-demon, I'll say, 'Duck dick, chicken nugget, flower man's walking stick. Pumpkin spice, munchkin hives, a fat fellow's friendly wife. Cat's liver, beaver tail, pussy willow, and the anus of a Caterpillar! May Dwyble the Homo-Demon rise from his coffee break!"

As I said, witchardry is both art and craft.

- GW

Bugs Are Horny, a poem by Buttfro The Clown

Bugs are horny.

I'm a poet and I don't even donought.

Hello everybody, I made a mistake!

Chucky Berry owns me.

Yeah right. What a BEEYOTCH.

Double turtle fuck.

I went to the beach last friday and I saw a fat bitch throw a $400 bottle of champaigne at her boyfriend. It was because he had 80 cell phones on him. I know him his name is Rodrigo and he's my hookup.

There was a rainbow on the beach. But a whale farted and the rainbow turned all green and instead of a leprichaun, a goblin slid down with a sack full of sand crabs. He ran around and placed them under everyone's butt. He did it quickly and he had to because he needed to break the record: 15 minutes.

I am the former champion. Chucky berry before me.

Bugs are horny and I know this how?

when we were packing up I saw a fly jerk off on a rock.

PEACE!

- Buttfro The Clown

Hello, From County Jail! By Drunk Dan

Drunk Dan here! With some friendly advice: If you've ever been arrested for a crime you don't think you did and you go to court and they give you a public defendant but he claims "attempted manslaughter" is "not a legal term" so you fire him, and you remember My Cousin Vinny and how great everything turned out and so you think it might be a good idea to call up a family member who claims to be a lawyer, DON"T DO IT. Stick with the first guy. Here's why...

The following is a transcript from my case I got from the court stenographer. Me and her go way back. Like back of my camarro back. But that's a whole nother story! Anyway here is why you should not let your mom's cousin's son with a speech impediment be your defense attorney...

"(Judge Harold F. Brown:)

Will the defence please state it's case? What's going on here?

(Ferdidando 'The Lawyer':)

Thank you your hieneth. Now...Ladieth and gentleman of da juwwy, my client ith...guilty. You know he guilty, me know he guilty, da judge, he know he guilty. Now, me thdupid, but me not cwathy. Me undathdand da diffwenth between going to thcool, and going to da thdaw. Eating theweo, and going to da baffwoom, Going to thleep, and going to thpathe. (looks up to the ceiling) Ladieth and gentleman of da juwwy, (looks to judge brown) I wetht my cathe your majethty.

(Judge Harold F. Brown:)

Sir, can you please approach the bench?

(Ferdidando:)

I'm on my coffee bweake. Pleathe be quite."

Well there you have it. So it looks like I'll be going to jail for the next couple years or so. Hopefully I'll get blogging privileges. Me and the deputy warden go way back...

Free Drunk Dan!

-DD

Something completely different, by Tim Bucket

I know everyone expects me to write about my experiences in paranormal exploration and supernatural activity on this blog but today I want to take a full 360 degree turn to talk about something completely different. WRONG! Think again, people. Here are the facts:

1. Ghouls are killing people at an alarming rate and we have to put a stop to it. And THAT means EDUCATION, which brings me to number 2:

2. We need to educate ghouls about the laws of living people. Which is why I've been running 12 information booths across local graveyards with the help of some junior high school volunteers.

3. Codey Dooler is NOT allowed back for volunteer duty because gummy bears are PROHIBITED in the graveyard. If you see him, report him. He is a 13 year old, red haired, MORON.

4. bright colored candy upsets the goblins for religious reasons.

5. A good defense when approached by an angry ghoul is to turn your back to him, crouch like a chimp, and pretend to eat chicken nuggets. He'll get curious and try to find your "secret". As he approaches, throw the secret nuggets into the bushes and run in an easterly direction. Hopefully the sun will be rising.

- Tim Bucket

back by popular da man

Chucky Berry here! Back from my four month vacation to Puerto Rico! All I have to say about THAT is: What happens in Puerto Rico stays in Puerto Rico! Which is on U.S. soil, technically speaking.

So I've been reading a heck of a lot of blogs lately. Fashion blogs. Foody Blogs. Blogs about blogs. Most of them re-hash the same ol' kalamazoo but I came across one that said, and I quote, "blogs are for gaylords, transgenitals, and anti-wizards". Well...I thought to myself, "who in the world would write a blog like that?" and myself answered me. Myself said, "Tim Bucket. Either him or Drunk Dan or maybe even you." Well I'm pretty sure Drunk Dan lost his computer to ball lightning, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ball_lightning, and I'm pretty sure I don't know what "transgenitals" even is, so I'm gonna go ahead and say that Tim Bucket has started a secret blog in my absence. Has anyone heard from him? Is he a marshmellow? that's an ol' term we use to say back on the farm when a chipmunk would get caught up in a big ol' pile of cow patties and he looked as if he were crying. His name was "Chumpkin".

Back by popular da man,

Chucky Berry