Monday, August 31, 2009

Hello, From County Jail! By Drunk Dan

Drunk Dan here! With some friendly advice: If you've ever been arrested for a crime you don't think you did and you go to court and they give you a public defendant but he claims "attempted manslaughter" is "not a legal term" so you fire him, and you remember My Cousin Vinny and how great everything turned out and so you think it might be a good idea to call up a family member who claims to be a lawyer, DON"T DO IT. Stick with the first guy. Here's why...
The following is a transcript from my case I got from the court stenographer. Me and her go way back. Like back of my camarro back. But that's a whole nother story! Anyway here is why you should not let your mom's cousin's son with a speech impediment be your defense attorney...

"(Judge Harold F. Brown:)
Will the defence please state it's case? What's going on here?
(Ferdidando 'The Lawyer':)
Thank you your hieneth. Now...Ladieth and gentleman of da juwwy, my client ith...guilty. You know he guilty, me know he guilty, da judge, he know he guilty. Now, me thdupid, but me not cwathy. Me undathdand da diffwenth between going to thcool, and going to da thdaw. Eating theweo, and going to da baffwoom, Going to thleep, and going to thpathe. (looks up to the ceiling) Ladieth and gentleman of da juwwy, (looks to judge brown) I wetht my cathe your majethty.
(Judge Harold F. Brown:)
Sir, can you please approach the bench?
I'm on my coffee bweake. Pleathe be quite."

Well there you have it. So it looks like I'll be going to jail for the next couple years or so. Hopefully I'll get blogging privileges. Me and the deputy warden go way back...

Free Drunk Dan!