I was going to write a movie review today for Haneke's The White Ribbon, a fantastic psychological portrait of the Nazi generation as children before the first world war, growing up in the most uber gothic place known to menchen, Germany. I was going to write that review and it was going to be both informative and introspective.
Instead I'd like to take this time to talk to you about a new exciting product called "CHUMBLY WUMBLY'S CHOCO-ELIXER". It comes from the Andes Mountains of Southern Quebec and it goes down smooth like wet bread! When you're feeling bad it makes your mouth smile, and when your feeling sad it makes your eyes cross. It will turn your boring ol' brown hair bright blond and your bleached out beehive into a shimmery shiny Saint Patric's day-quality green novelty wig. Just in time for Saint Paddy's day! But lookout, Grandma! Here's something the whole family can enjoy: Every bottle of CHUMBLY WUMBLY'S CHOCO-ELIXER comes with a FREE scratch n' sniff mystery patch made from 100% synthetic pig butt skin. But wait! Act NOW and you'll receive a coupon for one personal pie at Dominose Pizza. Dominose Pizza! (Just imagine the steaming Pizza Cheese* and that chunky red tomato dressing!)
Supplies are going fast so ACT NOW! Be a part of the American dream and order your very own patriot's portion of CHUMBLY WUMBLY'S CHOCO-ELIXER (100 40 oz bottles) for the very special low ball price of
1 chicken nugget!
- Chucky Berry