Good morning, America! My name is Jarvis Frankenfooter and I want to talk to you about a new exciting product called The Edible Condom. It's not what you think. (yes it is.)
But don't take MY word for it. Just listen to these satisfied customers:
"I ate the edible condom after." - Jason Raughly, Fresno CA
"I'm eating one right now." - George Willborough Sr., Miami FL
"Tastes like dick." - Jennifer Delgado, Patterson NJ
"Uhhh...Huh?" - Ron Goof, Dallas TX
Act now while supplies last! But wait, if you call within the next two seconds I will personally answer the phone with the receiver up my butt. Don't speak fart-talk? No problemo. Hablamos Espanoliola.
Be the envy of all your friends! Impress your extended family!
But wait! Call within the next two seconds and receive an additional 64 edible condoms, one monkey, a medium sized bag of white chedder popcorn, a pair of 3D glasses, one blue glove, a pre-owned bart simpson doll, and literally hundreds of blank CDs with partially written data and/or music on them.
Act now while suprise lasts.