Monday, August 16, 2010

I Want What's Coming To Me, by Chucky Berry

A man I know has a strange way of talking. Every time he says "Hello, my name is..." he prefaces it with, "Oh this oughta be a big ol' bunch of bullshit..."

That man is me.

What man is you?

Kids Say the Stupidest Fucking Things, starring Bill Crosby.

Butterscotch is made with real butterscotch whiskey, so I've been told by my bigger friend.

Americans need to pick themselves up by the booty strap on dildo and get paid!

King Arthur took a shit on a rock and called it Eggs Callibur. Stuck a feather up his butt and "that's the macaroni!"

Farewell old chimp. I'll miss your dung fling, your trail of peanut shells, and your cigar smoking the most. Also your terrible stench and business-casual fashion sense.

My favorite song has to be Blowin' in the Wind, by Bob Dylan. The reason it's my favorite song is because I wrote it. I'm Bob Dylan. That's what Bob Dylan probably says.

May I have your attention please? Please stop dancing and make some room for Lenny "the Cha Cha king" Rothberg! Here he comes, ladies... any minute now... Len's been eating potato latkes backstage all night so bare with him. Only kidding... Lenny the Cha Cha king Rothberg... Are we ready? Yes? Okay I'm being told there are some technical difficulties...


A man's weight is worth his payment in gold. For instance, Let's say I weighed 520 lbs., well then give me $520 please. And let's say I went on the atikins diet and now weighed 98 lbs., well give me $98. See how this works?  Don't be cheap. Pay up.

I want what's coming to me.

- Chucky Berry