Thursday, February 11, 2010

Chucky says what?

Have you ever noticed the way white people dance? It's not as good as when black people do it... That's a bit from my new standup routine. That's right, I know what you're all thinking. "Chucky Berry is doing standup comedy?" the answer is yes, this Saturday, at the Local Laugh cafe on Clinton Street. Here's the entire routine for all you curious toms:

"Hello everyone! I'm Chucky Cheesely P. Bunson Berry and I'm going to make you're underwear ride up because you'll be laughing so hard. [I give myself a wedgie] You see, like this! No but seriously folks, life is crazy. Have you ever noticed the way white people dance? It's not as good as when black people do it. [wait for applause] White people dance like this, 'excuse me, but may I please order the flapjacks with a side of your finest mayonnaise? But see, when the brothas and sistas dance...They do something more like this [break dance] go mutha fucka go! Go mutha fucka go! IS CHUCKY BERRY UP IN THIS PUSSY!? I saaiiiiid, IS CHUCKY FUCKIN BERRY UP IN THIS PUSSY HOUSE, Y'ALL!? [wait for applause] Oh man, I have fun. Here's something else: Do you ever wonder why women do the things women do? Am I right guys? Fellas! When you're woman says to you, 'you don't listen to me', what are you thinking in you're head? You're thinking, 'Duh, does Hulk Hogan own a crossbow? But ladies...Ladies! It works the other way too. When we say the same thing to you, you think of that also...
So...[I make cross eyes and pat myself on the head. Then I target one person in the audience who's laughing the hardest and point to him] This guy! Is there a doctor in the house? Muthafucka swallowed an Eddie Murphy doll. [Do Eddie Murphy laugh] heh heh heh. That's all the time I have tonight THANK YOU! [run off stage]."

Well there you have it. I'll let you know how it goes.

- Chucky Berry